I am not
sure how I really feel about them showing the suicide. I do believe that showing her parents find
her, the devastation they portray, the breaking down of their spirit they
reveal throughout the entire show, the backlash they receive, the business they
lose because the community can’t handle looking at them, those are important
scenes to show. In the end, Mrs. Baker
gets her answers. That is the truth that
she needed to be able to move on. I do
not believe this show glorifies suicide.
I believe it shows every dark moment that leads to the decisions, and
every dark moment that follows. I
believe it reveals so many important issues that students deal with today. I believe it reveals the most heartbreaking
destruction of the people that are left behind.
I believe that Alex’s suicide and the portrayal of his demise are a
reality of what happens to people when they go through something like this.
I think
my favorite part of the ending is when Jessica finally reaches out to her father
and tells him what happened to her, when she washes away the shame, when she
decides to stop destroying herself. The
most heartbreaking, other than the rapes, was hearing the principle tell Mr.
Porter that Alex Standall shot himself in the head, watching him be riddled
with guilt more and more as the show went on, watching him die inside over one
stupid decision, watching him take the weight of Hannah’s death on
himself. I remember when I final got
alone after Daniel Janes killed himself.
I knew the gospel, but I never shared it with him, not even once. I never even mentioned the name of Jesus to
him. By the time Daniel had died, I had
fallen away, gotten worse. When I
finally got home and the house was empty, all I could think of was Daniel
standing before God and being condemned to hell. I saw him fall into the pit as he cursed God
and pleaded with him at the same time, and I wailed. I literally wailed. I was consumed with grief and guilt. I know that is not how all of us responded to
his death, but that is how I responded.
I thought that, if I had just witnessed to him one time, if I hadn’t
fallen away and gotten to the point that sharing the gospel was a tragedy, I
could have saved his life. After 15
years, I know that I am not responsible for Daniel’s death, but for the first
few years, I would go to the hotel we stayed at the night before his funeral,
or I would go to the grave and apologize.
It took me a long time to forgive myself.
If you
are reading this, and you are contemplating suicide, I pray you will stop and
think about the people you are leaving behind.
I know that you may feel like no one will care. You may think that everyone will be just
fine. Even if someone does care, they
will be okay soon. I promise you, more
people care than you think. There will be
at least one person that will carry that heartache with them for the rest of
their lives, however long that may be.
If you cannot live for yourself, at least live for them. Choose resilience. Choose hope.
Choose to keep fighting, even if you feel like you don’t have the
strength to fight anymore. You are
stronger than you give yourself credit for.
I have experienced so much tragedy, so much trauma. If I can get up every day and keep fighting
for those that I love, then so can you.
If you need or want someone to talk to, please leave a comment and I
will get back to you with a way for us to communicate. You are not alone!
“The cross we carry is never so heavy as the chains from
which we were freed.” --J. A. Lacy
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