Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Ryan Shaver: 13 Reasons...Episode 8


               As Clay struggles with the loss of Hannah and everything that goes along with the tapes, Tony tries to encourage him by climbing a small mountain with him.  When they accomplish the feat, Tony finally explains how he knows what Hannah wanted with the tapes and why he has been close to her parents.  The night Hannah died, she reached out to Tony.  Since Hannah was very emotional, Tony hadn’t wanted to deal with her drama that night.  He waited for her to leave and then went to get the tapes she left on the porch.  As Tony listened to the first tape, he realized what she was doing but, by the time he got to her house, she was already gone.  He explains in detail how the rescue workers handled her body with such disgrace.  They didn’t even realize how insensitive they were being.  This scene gripped me.  Listening to the horror of what transpired the moments before and after Hannah’s death is beyond sad, it is pitiful.  The one person that Hannah had to turn to ignored her because he couldn’t handle how dramatic she was.  I identify with that because many females that have experienced that much trauma tend to be dramatic about it.  For many of us, drama is in our nature anyway.  We can be high strung, emotional, and overly sensitive.  This is not news.  Most of us already know this.  That night, Tony just couldn’t handle it.

                Ryan Shaver is the school magazine editor.  When he meets Hannah at the library’s poem reading, they hit it off and he begins helping her write her feelings.  This would have been a great outlet for Hannah and would have strengthened her resilience greatly, had Ryan not betrayed her and posted it in the school magazine.  Even though Ryan posted the poem anonymously, most the school knew that Hannah was the author.  Since the same people that had done all those terrible things to her had no sense of what she was saying, they assumed the racy poem was just about intimacy.  However, Hannah was really calling them on their ignorance.  I am posting the poem below because I think it reveals the truth that Hannah tried so desperately to get people to understand…her innocence that was butchered by the lack of everyone else’s.



"Today I am wearing lacy black underwear for the sole purpose of knowing I am wearing them, and underneath that, I am absolutely naked. And I’ve got skin. Miles and miles of skin; I’ve got skin to cover all my thoughts like saran wrap that you can see through to what leftovers are inside from the night before. And despite what you might think, my skin is not rough; nor is it bullet proof. My skin is soft, and smooth, and easily scarred. But that doesn’t matter, right? You don’t care about how soft my skin is. You just want to hear about what my fingers do in the dark. But what if all they do is crack open windows so I can see lightening through the clouds?  What if all they crave is a jungle gym to climb for a taste of fresher air? What if all they reach for is a notebook or a hand to hold? But that’s not the story you want. You are licking your lips and baring your teeth. Just once I would like to be the direction someone else is going. I don’t need to be the water in the well. I don’t need to be the well. But I’d like to not be the ground anymore. I’d like to not be the thing people dig their hands in anymore. Some girls know all the lyrics to each other’s songs. They find harmonies in their laughter. Their linked elbows echo in tune. What if I can’t hum on key? What if my melodies are the ones nobody hears? Some people can recognize a tree, a front yard, and know they’ve made it home. How many circles can I walk in before I give up looking? How long before I’m lost for good. It must be possible to swim in the ocean of the one you love without drowning. It must be possible to swim without becoming water yourself. But I keep swallowing what I thought was air. I keep finding stones tied to my feet." - Hannah Baker, 13 Reasons Why

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